Kurt Hummel: The Avengers Personal Babysitter
by Anzel Silver
Summary: When Kurt Hummel was recruited as a costume designer for the Avengers, he had no idea he'd also become their caretaker. Established Klaine, pre-slash Stony.
1. Prologue

A/N: Just something that I had in mind after watching the new Avengers movie and a bunch of talk on tumblr as well about what Kurt would do after what happened with NYADA. So yeah, I do not own Glee or the Avengers, this is just something I thought would be fun to write.

** Warning:** If you're an Avenger enthusiast and nitpick everything people write, please leave now because I screw up a lot of biological history, especially with Captain America. ** If that bothers you, better not read this. Oh and to anyone who is a little confused about the beginning, there was a little drabble that is probably the beginning of this chapter and you can read that here post/23600022645 / ccolfer-kurt-hummel-is-too-big-for-nyada-kurt

Otherwise, enjoy!

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Prologue

When Tony Stark came up to Kurt and outright told him that he was Iron Man, he was expecting a lot of things. Getting laughed at was not one of them. Which was oddly humbling.

Fortunately, he had brought his suit with him for such an event and that shut Kurt up pretty quickly.

And so, that was how Kurt ended up in New York, working for Tony Stark of all people as a, get this, "costume designer." Kurt had rolled his eyes at the title. There was absolutely no way Tony Stark and whomever else that was behind this had gone all the way to Lima, Ohio, picked him up and gave him an internship at Stark Towers to make pretty clothes. He wasn't stupid.

But he really didn't want to ask. He didn't want to ask when Tony left Lima with a letter and tickets to NYC the following month. He didn't when he got on the private jet plane nor did he ask when he was picked up by the 2012 Royal Royce, the door opened up automatically and a disembodied voice telling him Mr. Stark will see him at the tower as soon as they got there.

Perhaps he had been in denial the whole time and that this wasn't real and it was all just a dream he had concocted in his head and he was probably still in school, in a state of shock after learning he was rejected from the only school that really mattered. The last straw, however, was when Tony started to show him around the tower, the other Avengers out at the moment doing their own thing but that Kurt was welcomed to use anything in the rooms as he desired. And then he showed him his own room. Or rather, his entire floor. It was high up, at least twenty stories and the window were huge. Kurt could see the entire New York skyline.

"I hope you like it, but if you think that it's too small or whatever, just let me know. I can totally re-do the room for you, it really isn't any trouble. Your work station is actually down stairs, this is more your living area but of course, you don't have to stay just in here, you can join us down stairs in the first living room and dining room. Everyone takes turns cooking, it's a rule that my rather goody two shoes teammate decided to create because he didn't want to rely solely on AI's or chefs. I would, however, duck and cover when Natasha cooks because she can kill a man with a finger as well as her cooking, it's really not something anyone should have the misfortune to experience—"

Kurt had long stopped listening and was just staring out of the window. It had a balcony. An actual balcony and he swore he could see New Jersey from up here. It was beautiful. It was magnificent. It was too good to be true.

"Why am I here, Mr. Stark?" he said, abruptly, turning back to the older man. His rambling is cut short and just looks at Kurt for a moment, as if unsure what he was just asked. Kurt sighed, "Listen, I know you guys don't need a costume designer—Don't!—I know when you're lying, I can tell—"

"Really? Even Pepper said it took a while before you learned all of my tells, what magic is this? Are you sure you're not an Asgaurdian?"

Kurt just gave him a deadpanned stare that made Tony smile sheepishly, before sighing and scratching the back of his neck. "Alright, alright, you caught me. I'll tell you the truth, just…you better sit down for this, kid, it's a whopper."

Cautious now, Kurt sat on the bed while Tony took a chair across from him.

"Okay so, just for the record, what I did was strictly for the sake of my burning curiosity and in no way, shape or form did I know what I know now nor did I ever want to hurt anyone."

The young man waited for Tony to recollect himself, nodding for him to continue.

"A few weeks ago…I was having a conversation with my teammates and along the conversation, I found that I knew absolutely nothing about them, not really. And me, being in the public eye all the time, they knew mostly everything about me. So I did some research," "Hacking, you mean," Kurt interrupted. Tony shrugged, "Whatever, tomato, tomahto and all that. Anyway, as I did my 'research' on my teammates, I came across an interesting tidbit about one of my partners. I found out that he had a son.

"What's interesting about this is that there is no way this guy could have a son. He's an absolute virgin who blushes at the mere thought of anything too vulgar. But there it was, clear as day, he had a son. So I did more digging-" "Hacking." "Hush. On this story and I found out that a bunch of scientists thought it would be a good idea to take some of his…man juice," Kurt took this time to wince accordingly, "and insert it into a woman who volunteered to keep this man's family going. However, she found out that the scientist did not just want to keep the line from dying out but also turn this kid into a soldier, which is just tacky, if you ask me. So she ran away and by some miracle, they never found her. In fact, we may never have found out that the son even existed until thirty years after the fact. Apparently, the mother told her son about his real origins and he in turn, changed his last name in honor of the father he never got to meet. He grew up and had a daughter of his own and she, like all children, grew up and had her own baby boy. You."

Kurt stared at Tony open mouthed for a long while and Tony confused it with awe. He nodded sagely, patting Kurt on the shoulder, "Yes, yes, I know. It's a lot to take in. It's all very Spanish novella, isn't it?"

"Wait, wait, hold up, my brain is still trying to translate all that into proper English, give me a minute. Are you saying…that I'm related to one of you guys?" He looked up and gasped, "Oh my God, it's you, isn't it? I'm your half brother or second cousin aren't I?"

Tony tried not to look as affronted as he felt at how panicked Kurt sounded at the thought of being related to a Stark.

"No, you elfish dimwit, it's not me. But let me ask you something, alright? When you were growing up, did you ever notice that you were different from the other boys?"

Kurt was giving him that deadpanned look again, "You just called me elfish. I think it's safe to assume that yes, I was a 'little' different from the other boys, growing up." Tony rolled his eyes, "No, I mean physically. Stop giving me that face, Hummel. I'm talking about strength. Or speed. Were you better at it than most of the guys at school?"

Shrugging, he said, "I was always a fast runner. I had to be. Strength? I help my dad fix cars and sometimes I lifted them up a bit, but that was usually with the help of a car jack…most of the time I think…and well, I was on the football team for like, five seconds. I was the kicker and the coach said he'd never seen someone kick a ball that fast and hard since…I don't remember the name he used, but I assume it's some famous football player. Why?"

Kurt didn't like the way Tony's eyes lighted up to that piece of news. "Because, Mr. Hummel; I do believe you are related to America's sweetheart, leader (I use the term loosely) of the Avengers. Captain America. Also known as Steve Rogers."

Tony was prepared for the laughter this time, Kurt tended to do that at when he received rather ludicrous information.

"What? Me? Related to THE Captain America? Okay, now I know you're absolutely insane because that the biggest piece of bull—"

"You're a fast runner, you probably don't even know how fast but it's fast. You're strong, again, you don't know how strong. You've been living in an environment where you don't always have to protect yourself from danger. Real, superhero type danger. And all my research has led right to you."

Kurt just kept shaking his head, "No, no. My mom would have said something, at least to my dad. Her maiden name wasn't even Rogers, it was—" Tony interrupted him again, which was making Kurt very irritated.

"Ables. Elizabeth Ables, I know. I found that out too. After your grandfather was harassed by military recruiters one too many times, he legally changed his daughters last name to that of her mothers maiden name, Juliana Ables to protect her from anyone trying to see if they can make a kick ass Miss America, if you know what I mean."

Kurt was really glad he was sitting down because he certainly felt dizzy.

"So...you brought me here to do what exactly? A very late family reunion?"

Tony shook his head, smiling with too much amusement, "No, no, you can still make costumes. But see, after I finished my research, I decided to do the responsible thing and show my superior (another term I use loosely) of my findings."

Through his shock, Kurt was still able to comment dryly, "You mean you were caught red handed."

The superhero laughed, head tilted back, "Oh, Hummel. I knew I liked you for a reason. Fine, yes, I was caught. But, fortunately for me, my superior was interested in what I found. And for once, we both agreed on something. We wanted to recruit you for our team."

"As a designer?" he said weakly.

"Yes but also as an actual member. Kurt, you…yeah, okay, I'm not cut out for the 'you have potential' speech, it's not really my thing. But I do think you'd make a hell of hero with a little training. Hey, maybe even a consultant. That's what I was going to be. Well no, of course not, I'd kill everyone that came to me for advice but you'd probably good at it."

But Kurt was just shaking his head, the panicked look coming back, "No. No, no, no, you have got the wrong person. I'm sing and dance guy! I can color coordinate clothes and rooms and even pissed off cheer leading coaches! I'm not a superhero. I'm just…I'm just not. I don't have powers or anything. I can run fast, sure but that's after years of being chased around the school yard. I am not a hero."

Tony was silent the entire time Kurt had his spiel, watching him closely, his eyes observant. After letting the young man catch him breath, he responded, "And it's like I said. You haven't developed your strengths yet. If you did, you'd be surprised of what you could do. In fact, I've been looking at security footage from your high school, where you're being chased," he waved off the surprise look on Kurt's face, "It's kid's stuff, anyone with first grade knowledge of computer hacking can do it. But I saw you running. You jumped over trashcans in a single bound. You ran so fast, even the football running back couldn't catch up to you and that's their job. I really wanted to see you punch some of those guys in the nose but I got a huge feeling that you're not exactly the violent type, even when faced with danger, unless someone close to you is going to get hurt. Let me tell you something and if you repeat this, I'll deny it and it's my word against yours okay?

That's what we want to see. That's what being a hero is all about. You stand up for what you believe in, you never want to hurt anyone unless it's to protect someone else which fortunately for you, hasn't happened yet. Except for that Sebastian guy, I really wanted you to sock it to him. You stayed with your boyfriend instead. You're noble and honorable and to be quite honest, I think you'd make a great addition to the Avengers. After training you up a bit of course. But, don't think this is an ultimatum, Kurt. This is entirely your decision. Which is why I'm giving you the summer to think about it."

Kurt blinked, still a little breathless but mostly from the speech Tony had given him. Iron Man believed in him. How more surreal could this day get?  
"Wait, the summer? You still want me to—"

"Here's the deal, my ceramic disciple. You're not just here to design costumes and maybe become a hero but also S.H.I.E.L.D recognizes your abilities to be very tolerant of high maintenance personalities as well as unstable personalities. They want you to be sort of our…referee of sorts. You see, Steve and Thor and sometimes Bruce don't really take well to Jarvis and me and would perhaps be more comfortable taking advice from a human being."

He had to ask. "Jarvis?"

"Hello, Mr. Hummel," a disembodied voice came to life above him, scaring Kurt so bad, he almost shrieked. The bearded man grinned widely, "That's Jarvis. He's my AI. Built him myself. He's actually quite capable of taking care of these kiddies but some of the others just aren't really comfortable with talking to a computer. No offense, Jarvis."

"None taken sir. You have not programmed me to feel offended."

Tony did a double take, "Really? Damn. I should probably fix that. Anyway, so here's my deal. You take the summer as a sort of preview of what's to come. Yeah, you can create costumes for the team but at the same time just…take care of them in anyway. Except sexual, we don't need lawsuits." Kurt just rolled his eyes but let him continue.

"They need someone to talk to sometime and they don't exactly trust S.H.I.E.L.D officers much. But with you around, I think they would warm up to you. You're young, you're a civilian, the very people we protect. And on the side, if you choose to accept it, you can train your endurance. Beef you up a bit. If anything, the next time some maniac tries to chase you down, you'll at least have the confidence of being able to knock him on his ass, right? And there is one more thing. As an apology for your troubles, if you choose not to be recruited, I will personally write to your school of choice a recommendation letter to end all recommendation letters. As well as pay for your tuition. As payment for any fabulous creations you make while you stay here. What do you say?"

Kurt had to hand it to him, Tony Stark did know how to give exactly what people want. It was hard to say no to all of that. But there was one more thing he had to ask. "What about Captain America? I mean Steve. Will you tell him who I am? Or the others?"

Tony sighed dramatically but gave him a steady look, "I'll leave that up to you. Until you choose to be part of the Avengers, I don't have to tell anyone anything. If you want to tell him now, that's your choice. But believe me, I think he would be very happy to know there is family out there for him. I hate the guy sometimes, cause he's got the whole 'I can't talk to girls but they love to talk to me cause I look like an Abercrombie model' going on but on the whole, he's a good person. A sad, strange, tiny waisted man, but a good person."

Kurt was giving him a curious look that Tony chose to ignore. He coughed, "But yeah, the choice really comes down to you. What's your final answer, Mr. Hummel?"

He was silent for a very long moment, toying with the hem of his shirt but careful not to stretch it. When he looked up, his jaw was squared tight, his eyes determined. "Okay."

Tony smiled, his eyes lighting up in excitement, "Okay? Really? That simple?"

Kurt snorted, "Of course it's not that simple. I have a couple of conditions. One, I won't tell Mr. Rogers anything until I feel comfortable with it, that includes the others. So you better keep your mouth shut too. I know that's difficult for you but if you want me to stay, that's how it's going to be. For now, I'm just Kurt Hummel, costume designer and part time counselor. And second, I want to fly my boyfriend out here and let him stay with me for the summer, if that's okay." Tony was nodding along, "That's reasonable."

"I'm not done yet," the shorter boy interrupted. It felt good to do so for once, "Lastly…I'm pretty sure I won't join the Avengers…my dream is to go on Broadway. Will I really be able to go to any school I want so late in the year? It's already after graduation."

Tony smirked, "You forget who I am. I'm Tony Stark! Billionaire, industrial genius and I save the world on a weekly basis. I'm friends with a Demi-God, a green rage monster, assassins, etc. If I can't get you into the school of your dreams, I'll eat Dummy."

A robot whose been quietly cleaning up around the room, suddenly looked up, whirring in apprehension. Tony waved him off, "It won't be necessary, I won't eat you. Go back to what you were doing." With rather jilted movement, the robot, Dummy Kurt remembered, went back to dusting the room.

"So, we have a deal. For the summer, you work for us and at the end, you tell us your answer. Alright?" He held out a hand for Kurt to shake, which he took a beat later. "Yes. God of Thunder help me, I will. I feel like I just signed myself over to the nut house." Tony chuckled, "Oh kid, you have no idea."


	2. Meet the Team

A/N: I do not own Glee or the Avengers. I just create little AU's for my amusement.

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Meeting the team

"Everyone! Come meet our new costume designer! He'll be living with us for the next couple of months." Four of the five other Avengers crowded around them, looking at Kurt curiously. Kurt was trying not to squirm under their gaze, his cheeks and neck burned. But, he stood up straight and smiled with false confidence. Tony was a good teacher, even if he didn't know it.

The only woman in the group, a beautiful red head, gave him a kind smile before looking at Tony sharply, "A costume designer, Stark? Do you really think that would be…necessary?" His grinned had faltered slightly but regained his composure, her tone of voice sending chills of warning up his spine, "Of course! He'll be working with me, making better, stronger and more fabulous costumes that ever before. I mean, I can come up with all the defensive stuff but I'll admit, the only way I get on tabloids best dressed lists is because Jarvis or Pepper usually chooses my outfits. Honestly, I'd just go out in a dirty white shirt and torn up jeans if I wasn't careful." Kurt scrunched up his nose at the thought but said nothing.

Thor was the first to come up to him and clap him on the shoulder, "A friend of our own Man of Iron is a friend of mine! Back in Asguard, the cloth makers were by far the most honorable of people. They created our armor and our weapons. If Tony thinks of you in such high regards, you must be a man of great respect!" The teen winced slightly at the pat but nevertheless grinned. He would never tell Tony this, but Thor had always been his favorite of the Avengers. Only Blaine knew his terrible secret, just like Kurt knew Blaine loved Iron Man...yeah, he's definitely not telling Tony that either.

"Umm, thank you. I hope to meet up to your standards," he said, proud of himself for only blushing a little. Natasha and Clint came up to him and shook his hand. Bruce stayed behind, waving awkwardly from a distance. In a moment of hesitation, Kurt thought back to the news reel about the Hulk and the amount of destruction he had caused to New York and other places around the world. But it was only for a moment. Kurt smiled, teeth and all and held out his hand to a surprised Bruce, "Hello, Mr. Banner. It's a pleasure to meet you." Apprehensively, Bruce took his hand, "Most people only say that if they want something from me. I'm not getting that vibe from you."

Kurt shrugged, "So you turn into a ten foot, green giant with anger issues the size of Mel Gibson. I've seen worse, believe me. Try taking on a five foot two Jewish girl with a voice as big as her ego after learning Anne Hathaway took her dream role of Fantine in the movie remake of Les Mis. Now that's something to truly fear."

Bruce chuckled softly at that before hiding behind a hand to cover a snort. "Sorry, it's just…that's hilarious." Kurt felt himself sag in relief and was about to continue when the door opened. The tension came back tenfold.

"Tony. You said you wanted to see me?"

Coming down the steps, looking like he had just come back from the work out room, was none other than Captain America himself. Aka, Steve Rogers. Aka, Kurt's great-great-grandfather. Aka, the man he should avoid or else Kurt will end up talking and be forever hated by America's number one favorite superhero and therefore hated by America. If not the world. He knew he probably looked like a deer in headlights but he was too scared to move.

Steve noticed him almost immediately and gave him a business like smile. "Who's this?"

Again, Tony came to the rescue. Arm around his shoulder, Tony said, "This is Kurt Hummel. He'll be with us for the summer. He's a friend of sorts and I asked him to be an intern for us as costume designer. Say hello, Kurt. You, of course, know the Cap, right?" Kurt was wrong. Tony was trying to kill him. He turned his head so sharply, Kurt almost gave himself whiplash, looking wide eyed and alarmed.

Steve looked somewhat muddled by Tony's grin and Kurt's expression but held a hand out for him. "How do you do, Kurt. Or do you prefer Mr. Hummel?" The designer just stared at the hand for quite a while. He was pretty sure his brain just fizzled out and blanked out on him. Tony nudged him, bringing him back to reality. Jumping up, startled, Kurt shook Steve's hand, his trembling a little. He quickly let go and smiled, looking strained,

"K-Kurt's fine, thanks. Mr. Stark, would it be alright if I checked out my work station now?"

The smile on Tony's face didn't quite reach his eyes. They almost looked disappointed but Kurt was going to strongly ignore that, "Sure, I'll walk you to it. So everyone, be nice to Kurt. He's a good listener so if you have any problems, comes find him. I have enough confidence in him to know that he can fix almost anything that I can't. Alright, elfin disciple. Off to the work station we go."

Waving him off, Natasha narrowed his eyes and glanced at everyone else, "Did Tony just say that that kid is our therapist too?"

The others blinked before looking up at the ceiling. "Jarvis?" she called out.

"I am not in liberty to say, Ms. Romanov. But if you do have anything you would like to talk about, it is strongly suggested by both Mr. Stark and S.H.I.E.L.D to speak to Mr. Hummel."

Natasha sighed, pinching the skin between her eyebrows, "This has Stark scent all over it."

Steve was frowning, "He didn't seem to like me very much, did he?" His eyes widened in some sort of realization, "You don't think Tony told him lies about me, do you?"

The Russian spy took a seat on the couch, taking the remote away from Clint, "You know what, Cap? I really wouldn't put it past him."


	3. Bruce Likes Strange Music

A/N: I would like to warn people right now that this story should not really be taken seriously. It's just a fun thing I thought up one night while I was going through pages and pages of tumblr and trying not to cry every time I thought of the glee season finale.

I say this because this chapter...it's very hard to believe but again, it's all in good fun and I hope you guys like it. I do not own Glee or the Avengers.

* * *

Bruce

After the initial meeting, things went pretty smoothly. Sure there were a couple of mishaps here and there, a few explosions and bang ups but nothing that Tony (or Kurt) can't fix.

Currently, Kurt was with Bruce, observing and taking notes while the scientist watched him curiously from the corner of his eye. The man was elusive, always avoiding Kurt at every possible turn. Now, he had no choice but be in the same proximity of Kurt if he wanted to do any work and he couldn't exactly kick Kurt out without looking or feeling like a jerk.

"You know, you don't have to stay here. I can give you my measurements later through email or a text," he said as he worked at a computer. Kurt looked up and smiled, shrugging easily, "No, it's fine. I already have your measurements; I'm just trying to get ideas. Your costume may seem simple but it really isn't. I have to come up with an outfit that you wont rip to shreds every time you power up. Or whatever it is you strong people do."

The physicist shook his head, laughing bemusedly, "'Power up.' I don't think I've ever heard anyone else but Tony call it that. It's ridiculous. But really, if you have no real reason to be here, I suggest you go work at your station. Just in case." Kurt didn't reply, going back to his notes. "I…I'm not scared of you, you know," he finally said, sketching away in his notepad.

Bruce froze for a moment before going back to his work, "Then you're either the bravest young man I've ever known or the most foolish."

Maybe this is what Tony had meant as counselor. Obviously, Bruce seemed to have a lot of insecurities about his…condition. Kurt noticed it all through dinner last night and earlier in the day. Bruce would be careful not to stick around too long and would usually stay put in his lab, which was why Kurt was there now. He didn't really interact with the others either, unless they had a question to ask or Tony forced him. Kurt sighed internally. "I had my fair share of monsters, Mr. Banner. Believe me, you're not even in the running. Remember that Jewish girl I told you about? I've been avoiding her for about a week now. I'd rather be stuck in here with you than have to deal with that phone call. Besides, you're in control of it, now, right? I saw how you handled those aliens after that huge attack a few months ago. You're a hero, not a monster."

Looking as if he were working steadily on his research, Bruce was listening vigilantly. He smiled softly, "Wow, Natasha was right." Kurt blinked in confusion, "Right about what?"

Smiling more widely now, he turned to fully look at Kurt. "Tony hired you to talk to us, didn't he?" The young man felt his cheeks heat up before straightening his back, a cool mask replacing his features, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Bruce's lips quirk up in amusement, "Sure you don't. Tony seems to be very fond of you, anyway. Most of us think you might be related to him in some way." Kurt shuddered and gagged, "Nope, nope, absolutely not. We are not related at all." This time, Bruce did laugh, "He's not that bad. Plus, he hired you. Out of the entire country, he picked you. Now, why do you think that is?" Composing himself, Kurt grinned, "Because I'm the best, obviously. Practically perfect in every way."

"Ahh, Mary Poppins. Does that make you our nanny of sorts?" he asked, trying to funny. Kurt snorted, "I'm not magical, Mr. Banner, no matter what Tony might tell you. But my voice can rival even the great Julia Andrews. I should know, I've sung her songs plenty." Bruce raised a brow, "You sing?"

"I'm the best at everything to strive to do, Mr. Banner. And yes, I sing. And dance. And act when the occasion calls for it. But singing is the dream."

Bruce nodded along, "I can see that. You know something…I think this is the longest conversation I've had with someone without either party having any sort of…accident. It's quite risky."

"You're a lot more talkative than usual. I tend to do that to people. It's either they talk to me or get one of the following. A, I talk, sometimes sing, their ear off or B, I stare at them long enough to get uncomfortable and forced to say something. It always worked on my dad." Kurt stood up, stretching out his legs, "Like I said, Mr. Banner, I don't think you're dangerous. Different sure but not dangerous. And hey, what's life if not for taking risks, right?"

Laughing, the scientists went back to work, "Please, call me Bruce. You sure you're not related to Stark?"

"He wishes he can be as glamorous as me, that's a promise," he replied, walking around the room to get feeling back in his legs. He noticed the Ipod on the table next to Bruce and asked, "That yours?" Bruce looked down and nodded, "Oh yeah. I play that in when I'm in here. Keeps me calm. But you were talking so much; I forgot to plug it in." Kurt smirked, taking that as a victory. "Mind if I take a look?"

He gave Kurt a one shoulder shrug, "Sure, knock yourself out. Just…don't tell the others alright?"

Kurt went through the playlists, nodding to some of the songs and giving Bruce judging glances at others. "Don't look at me like that. The other guy has strange tastes, alright," was all Bruce said when he caught one of Kurt's critical stares.

Smirking, he filed the top song playlist away in his head.

* * *

Later that day, he was showing Tony his notes and designs while he had an iced tea and was currently texting Blaine at the dining table. They were setting up the date for Blaine's plane which wouldn't happen until next week since his parents wanted him around for some sort of summer party at a country club. It made Blaine absolutely miserable but at least he would be with Kurt soon and they'd have the summer together in New York. In the Avengers Tower, no less.

Tony was busy going through Kurt's book, giving out orders at Jarvis to deliver material and make notes to remind himself about adjustments to elasticity and such. Kurt noticed that he had a glass in his hand, scotch he figured. "Not that it's any of my business but it's only noon and I swear I saw you put rum into your coffee this morning…" he observed, looking at him over his own drink.

The older man didn't even look up, "You're right, it's not any of your business. Well, these will certainly help me with Bruce's pants. And purple too, huh? Thought he'd be more of a periwinkle type of guy."

Kurt rolled his eyes at the obvious change of topic but let it slide for now, "It's wine, actually. I also written down the fabrics you might want to combine if you want the elasticity to support the transformation. Spandex, vinyl, cotton, you're usual suspects. Not a big supporter of those myself but I guess desperate times call for desperate measures."

"Great. Soon we'll be able to create pants that wont tear off him and let all of FOX News see green dong in their cameras. Wow, that was a fun week of damage control."

Kurt winced and grimaced at the memory. It was just a few weeks after the whole, vortex-in-the-sky-and-let-aliens-destroy-Manhattan incident happened. Kurt never watched the whole video but it was too popular not to catch glimpses. Sympathy grew for the poor doctor once more. Not only did he have to deal with people being afraid of him but most of America, if not the world, knew what he looked like stark naked. Well sort of, he was sure Bruce wasn't like that on a regular basis…yeah, he need to stop thinking of the Hulk naked, it was getting disturbing.

Mercifully, his thoughts diverted when the alarm went off. Tony was on his feet, "What is it Jarvis?"

"It's Mr. Banner, sir. There seems to have been an incident in the training room. Mr. Barton and Mr. Thor are with him now but they can't seem to calm him."

Tony and Kurt were on their feet, running towards the training room. When they got there, Clint was upon on the room, bow aimed at Hulk while Thor tried to distract it with his hammer. Steve was trying to calm him with words but it clearly wasn't working. It was just making him even more agitated than usual.

Tony put a hand in front of Kurt, "I think you better get out of here. It might get ugly pretty soon."

But Kurt couldn't leave, Hulk was starting to scream again. Instead he called out to the ceiling, "Jarvis! You have Bruce's music playlist, don't you?"

"Yes sir, it has been downloaded into my servers."

"Play playlist 3," he ordered before hastily adding a, "please."

"Right away sir," he heard the computer respond before the room started to fill up with classical music. Beethoven Symphony No. 9 started to play, if Kurt remembered correctly, startling most of the patrons in the room, Hulk most of all. He roared and threw his arms around, as if to swat the music away. He pushed Thor off as if he were a rag doll and Tony called out to Jarvis to turn off the music, gaining Hulk's attention.

He roared again and pounded over to both Tony and Kurt. Tony went in front of Kurt, trying to calm him, "Woah buddy, hey. It's okay, it's me, Tony. Remember?" For a flicker of a moment, Hulk had this confused look in his face but then he shook it off and growled, before swinging an arm and making Tony fly to the opposite wall. And now there was nothing standing in the way between Kurt and Hulk. Kurt felt like he couldn't move. He should move, like right now. Hulk was coming closer, ready to throw Kurt and turn him into a flat pancake.

Then, as if his mouth was on autopilot, he started to sing.

"I need love, love, to ease my mind."

Hulk paused, his face right up to Kurt's, arm up and ready to attack.

"I need to find, find, someone to call mine," Kurt went on, hoping against hope that this would work, he paused when Hulk moved his arm down.

The Hulk just stared at him for a long moment before growling menacingly. Kurt took that as a cue to continue.

"When mama said, you can't hurry love, no you just have wait. She said love won't come easy, it's a game of give and take."

He continued singing to a now more pacified Hulk while Tony slowly picked himself off the floor and watched the whole exchange in incredulous shock, as were the other Avengers in the room. "The Supremes? Are you kidding me right now? That's what it takes to tame the beast, sing 60's girl group songs?" he whispered harshly, not wanting to distract Hulk from Kurt. Natasha, who suddenly appeared behind Tony, shushed him and watched in fascination.

Kurt continued to sing even after Hulk had sat down, crossed legged. To his utmost surprise, Hulk started to sway along to the song, even humming. The Hulk was humming!

The other Avengers knew it wasn't safe for Kurt to be so close to Hulk but they weren't exactly sure what to do. On the one hand, Kurt was…pretty much handling it on his own. If they stopped him, it could start up another tantrum from the big guy.

"What do you say, Captain?" Clint asked from the ceiling. Tony glanced over to the side where Steve was standing.

Steve too, was staring at the odd spectacle and set his jaw tight, "Just…be prepared for any sudden movements."

Kurt ended his song and once again to his amazement, the Hulk roared in what could be considered applause. "Hulk like pretty song!" he shouted. Kurt smiled nervously, "Umm…thank you…" He tried to back away slowly but was stopped when Hulk suddenly grabbed him with both hands and made Kurt sit on his knee. "More pretty songs! More!" The Avengers flinched and almost sprang into action when Kurt waved them off.

Thanking the universe that Hulk's pants didn't rip entirely to shreds or else this would have been a more frightening than it actually was.

Swallowing nervously, Kurt nodded, "Okay, I can do that. More pretty songs. Want me to sing you a lullaby? Feeling sleepy there, big fella?" Hulk, surprising everyone for perhaps the thousandth time today, _pouted _and shook his head. "Hulk no tired. Hulk want songs. Sing pretty song!"

Kurt hushed him and patted Hulks and started to sing again, "Early each day, on the steps of St. Paul, the little, old bird woman comes. In her own special way to the people, 'Come buy my bags full of crumbs."

Tony shook his head, rubbing a hand over his face, "I can't believe this."

"This would be wonderful blackmail if it weren't for the fact that we'd be dead to use it against Banner," Natasha commented, watching the scene with amusement now that things seemed to have calmed down. Clint was trying very hard not to laugh by biting his lip, but was failing miserably, "Guys, Hulk actually looks tired. I think the kid's singing is putting him to sleep. God, this is hilarious!"

Thor was the most amazed and would have said so but Natasha hushed him before he could speak, his loud voice would ruin the moment.

Steve was smiling ruefully, but somewhat impressed. He turned over to Tony and asked, "Stark, where on Earth did you find this boy?"

Tony opened his mouth to say, "The reject pile like the rest of us where he doesn't belong," but was interrupted by a loud THUMP.

Hulk had fallen backwards and began to snore, loudly and with grunting to boot. Kurt was trapped underneath Hulks huge hand that had him completely covered.

"Help?" he pleaded out weakly, trying to be quiet and not disturb the large beast. The others got to work quickly and as silently as possible, Thor and Steve lifting the hand off of Kurt and Natasha helping him climb down. Hulk stirred, growling in his sleep and they panicked for a moment. Hulk's eyes fluttered opened and Tony hissed, "Sing Hummel. Now!"

Nodding, Kurt sang, "Though her words are simple and few, listen, listen, she's calling to you." The Hulk immediately quieted down, breathing starting to even out again.

"'Feed the birds, tuppence a bag. Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a bag," the young man ended. He reached down and patted Hulks forehead gently that earned him a soft grunt but nothing more and the Hulk fell into a deep sleep.

They all stepped out of the room as fast as they could without making much noise until they were all a safe distance away. Tony locked the room down temporarily so that Bruce could sleep it off. He assured everyone that the room was soundproof, nothing would reach Hulk's ears until he awoke on his own, hopefully not until after Bruce transformed back to himself.

"That was quick thinking, kid," Clint praised Kurt, patting him on the back.

Natasha nodded, "That took some balls, Hummel, singing like that without even knowing what the big guy would even do."

If Kurt didn't feel as nervous and faint as he did, he would have flushed at the compliments. He smiled wearily, "I went through his music earlier…he told me some of the songs he chose was because Hulk liked them, not that he necessarily did. Said that as long as the music played, he would stay continuously calm. I gave it a shot."

Tony walked over to him and started to prod and poke him, "You okay? He didn't hurt you or anything did you?" Kurt swatted him away, "Ow! No, I'm not hurt, not really. When he grabbed me, I think I got a bit bruised around the arms, but that's normal, I bruise easily. But it's fine, I'm a fast healer."

Tony gave him a look before sighing, "Jesus kid, we're supposed to be the heros not you, remember? Let me get you some ice, at the very least, Lord knows I need some, I feel a migraine coming on."

"Now you know how we feel when you go out and put yourself in danger," Steve replied with a smirk, then it became more warm towards Kurt, "That was a brave thing you did in there, Kurt. I'm proud. But please, don't do it again?"

Kurt froze in place, not sure what to say but Tony beat him to it, "No, hey, why not make Kurt sing every time Bruce Hulks out in the tower? You saw how he calmed down almost instantly. This will keep S.H.I.E.L.D off our backs about Hulk going out and terrorizing the city of New York and it will save me some dough on indoor construction. He'll be great."

Frowning, Steve wasn't going to have it, "Tony, Kurt is just a civilian. Plus, he's just a child. He could really hurt himself by being close to Hulk. We were just lucky today."

"Hulk is our friend too. I don't know what it was that made him go all crazy today but we know it's not his fault. And if Kurt can help him control himself especially when he's in that state then why not?" Tony said, looking agitated.

Natasha was nodding along, scaring Tony more than surprising him. "I agree, I don't see the problem with Kurt doing his thing if it means keeping Hulk happy. I know I'll be more calm if Kurt's there to keep it all under control."

Clint grinned, "Yeah and besides, have you heard the pipes on the kid? No one will care if he sings freaking Nickleback, he's that good." Steve frowned in confusion, probably not understanding the reference, but ignored it, "I still don't think this is a good idea."

"My friends! From my past visits to this planet I have heard your country's politics differ from Asguard. Debates would be put to a vote on a decision which is what my wonderful Jane called Democracy, on which your country thrives on, yes? Why not do so now and put and end to the argument?" Thor boomed, speaking for the first time since they left the training room.

"Technically, our country thrives on Capitalism and the manipulation of government," Natasha gave Tony a glare and put up his hands in defense, "Alright, alright fine. A vote then. Those in favor of Kurt taking care Hulks tantrums, raise your hand."

Tony, Natasha, Clint and Thor had their hands raised. Tony grinned, "Well then, it's unanimous. Kurt, you're the official Hulk tamer. Like a lion tamer, only more dangerous."

Kurt just groaned, "That's just a fancy title for baby sitter, isn't it?"

Tony just laughed and clapped a hand on Kurt's shoulder, "Welcome to the team, Kurt."

* * *

I do not own Beethoven Symphony No. 9, The Supremes - Can't Hurry Love, or Mary Poppins' - Feed the Birds.


	4. Tony's Intermission

A/N: Hi everyone. Hope you don't hate me too much. I have not forgotten this story, I promise. So before you read, a little explanation. This is not the last time you will see Kurt and Tony interaction like that. Throughout the story, Kurt and Tony will be having moments together because Tony has a bigger affect than anyone else. The same will happen with Steve when I get to it. But for now, have some humor that I couldn't help but write. And for those of you wondering when I will update again, don't worry, the next chapter is done and I will upload that later when I finally get some sleep. But for now, enjoy. :)

I do not own Glee, the Avengers or Tim Gunn.

* * *

Tony's Intermission-Never Underestimate A Hummel

Kurt learned quickly that the Avengers had a night reserved for bonding time, usually done with movies or poker. Tonight it was the latter.

He listened in from the kitchen as he cleaned up and it looked like Tony was winning big tonight.

"Read 'em and weep, boys!" he crowed, laughing while Clint and Steve groaned in disappointment. "He's counting cards, I swear to God," Clint complained, going for his wallet, "You're the richest guy in the country, probably in the whole world. You don't need the extra cash."

"No, you're right, I don't need the extra cash. But just seeing the looks of your faces when you lose makes winning a whole lot sweeter," Tony cackled, taking his money. Steve shook his head, "You're a horrible gambler, Tony and even sore winner."

"I think you mean I'm a great gambler seeing as I'm wiping the floor with all of you. Who wants to go again? All or nothing."

Natasha had long stopped played poker and just watched from the sidelines. She knew how to play but the rest of the team knew how competitive she was. If she caught a whiff of someone cheating to get her money, they'd lose their fingers fast than they could say, two pair. Thor played for a little while but he grew bored of having to sit still and keep his face blank. He didn't have the patience for it. And Bruce…well, for obvious reasons, Bruce didn't play. He didn't exactly take losing well.

This left Clint and Steve, because they were masochist that way. They backed up, done playing for the night. "You cleaned me out, man, no more for me," Clint said, standing up to stretch. Steve nodded, "A man knows when he is beaten, at least at a card game."

Tony, because he was an immature brat rather than a sophisticated adult, stuck his tongue out at them, "Bunch of wet blankets you turned out to be."

Kurt walked in, drying his hands and asked, "What kind of card game are you playing?"

"Straight up Texas Hold 'Em, Hummel, my boy. Do you know how to play?" the older man asked, shuffling the cards in his hands. Kurt nodded, "I'm not the best player in the world, but I know the rules well enough." Tony laughs, "Excellent. Sit down, then."

"No, absolutely not, Stark, he's only 19, you are not gambling with a minor," Steve warned, glaring at Tony's impish smirk.

He waved Steve off, "Oh, live a little, Cap, he's an adult now. He can make his own decisions. But hey, if it makes you feel any better, we won't play for money, how's that?"

Both Steve and Kurt raised an eyebrow and crossed their arms, practically in unison. It was uncanny.

"Well, it's true, I don't have any money…but I think I know something else you might want," Kurt says, the corners of his lips turning up.

Tony leans back in his chair, arrogantly, "Oh? And what's that?"

"Remember that uh…'proposition' you gave me when we first met?" he asks. Warning bells rang out in every Avenger's head except for Tony, who just smiles coolly and puts his hands behind his head, "Yes, I think I do. What about it?"

"If I win, I'll take you up on it. No complaints," Kurt says, his voice sounds final.

Immediately, all of the Avengers are trying to protest and were asking what the proposition was and Steve shouting over them, "He's only 19, Tony, think about what you're doing!"

Tony ignores them all and just asks, "And in the impossibility that you win? What could you possibly want from me?"

Kurt sighed, "Well I was going to ask you stop drinking cold turkey for a whole week but we all know that's completely unfair." Tony narrows his eyes sharply, raising a brow. He was baiting him but Tony wasn't going to go for it, "So what did you have in mind?"

With a smile, Kurt says, "I want Dummy."

There was a deafening silence in the room at that statement.

Tony blinked before replying slowly, "Dummy. My robot. The one who keeps running into things. You want him? If you're going to bet for anyone, bet Jarvis, at least!"

There was a cough that came from the ceiling and it sounded highly offended. "I'm just saying, Jar, you're a better bet than Dummy. Glad to see that new 'offended' program working, though."

"Working extremely well, sir. And I will take that off handed…compliment as I'm sure I was supposed to take it."

Nodding, he goes back to looking at Kurt who was waiting for an answer, "Are you sure that's what you want?"

"Act tough all you want, but both know how much you adore that robot. He was your first real success. And besides, I like him. He helps me around the work station, picks up things that I forgot had fallen off my desk and has been nothing but helpful since I've gotten here. So yeah, for the rest of the summer, I want Dummy to be my assistant. And I get to re-name him too."

Tony stared incredulously but then chuckled, "Alright, if that's what you want. Not that I have anything to worry about, but I'm just saying. If you're betting for anything, especially since you're pretty much betting yourself, at least a bigger goal to go after."

Kurt shrugged and waited for Tony to finish shuffling.

Natasha sidled up to Steve and whispered, "I don't like this. At all. What kind of proposition do you think they're talking about?"

Clint answered before Steve could, "Remember who you're talking about here, Nat. Playboy, Tony Stark, infamous for his many, many, many explicit scandals throughout the years. What do you think he means?"

Steve felt his blood run cold and then something hot uncoil in his chest, bubbling angrily below the surface. He took a calming breath and said, "If Tony wins, Widow, Hawkeye, I give you permission to knock him out of commission, are we clear?"

They nodded and watched the game unfold.

Tony held up his hand and grinned internally. It was the best hand he's had all night and there was no chance that Kurt had a better hand than he did. Not to mention, Kurt had a horrible poker face. As soon as he looked at his hand, reddened and frowned a little, biting his lip as if disappointed. Yep, there was no way Tony could lose.

"Shall we show our hands?" he asked as casually as he could. Kurt, sighing in defeat, gestured for him to gloat. And gloat, Tony did.

"Full house, kid," he chided, throwing down three kings and two tens. To the side, Natasha had her hand in her pocket, ready to use the mace she had there and Clint was reaching down his ankle, possibly to get out the arrow he hid there.

"Looks like I win, kid. I'll see you in the morning," the older man reveled, ready to stand. "Wait," Kurt called out, "Out of curiosity, what's better than a full house?"

"A four of a kind."

"Where you have four of the same rank and one side card, right?"

"Yeah…."

"Yeah, I don't have that. What's the best hand you can get though?"

"Well the best hand would either be a straight flush or a royal flush."

"What a royal flush?"

Tony gave Kurt a suspicious look but he honestly looked curious so Tony said, "Well a royal flush would be an ace," Kurt put down an ace of hearts, "a king," he put down a king of hearts, "….a queen," down went a queen of hearts, "…a-a jack," jack of hearts, "….a-and a ten of the same suit." Kurt gave him a little smile and shot the last bullet. Ten of hearts.

"Oh, look at that. I guess that means I win." Natasha and Clint laughed is disbelief and Steve was just laughing.

Tony was choking on words, "You-you-how?"

Kurt laughed along with the rest of them and simply said, "I grew up with a dad who had a poker night every week since I was ten, not to mention that I was friends with a con artist. And I'm an actor. Don't mess with us theater kids, Tony."

He jumped up and called out for Dummy, "Hey, Dummy, looks like you're working for me now, is that okay?"

The robot made happy chirping sounds, waving it's arm around. "From this day forth, your name shall be…Tim Gunn!"

Dummy, now Tim Gunn, chirped even louder, rolling around in circles.

"You…you named my robot after a fashion mogul?" Tony croaked out.

"Hey, I could have easily gone with Joan Rivers but Tim Gunn seemed appropriate for my line of work. And you like your new name, don't you Tim Gunn?"

Tim Gunn chirped in what eerily sounded like, 'Make it work,' while waving its arm like it was snapping it's fingers. Kurt snapped his own fingers and grinned cheekily Tony who had his face before walking away back to his room with the newly named Tim Gunn in tow.

"I'm starting to regret bringing you here," Tony mumbled into his hands.

"No you're not!" the teen sang back to him, Tim Gunn chirping in the same melody.


	5. Thor, the Strongest Man on Midguard?

A/N: Whee, another update and so soon! Thank you all very much for the lovely comments and I'll try to update faster in the future. This was my summer project so I definitely want to get this done before the summer ends and especially before Glee Season 4 starts. It wont be too much fun after that. Explanation time! This chapter is pretty much what happens directly after the events with Hulk. To any and all Thor enthusiasts let me just say, I am so sorry, but it had to be done. To everyone else, as always, enjoy!

I do not own Glee or the Avengers.

* * *

Thor

After the incident in the training room, Dr. Banner was absolutely horrified about what happened.

He apologized profusely and did his best to avoid being alone with Kurt until the younger man practically scolded him into submission and told him that nothing too precious was damaged, just Kurt's ego. Sure, it was a little impressive that his singing could calm the Hulk down but the crippling humiliation of being manhandled and becoming a human sized teddy bear for the big guy was enough to forget any of that. But Kurt understood that he was useful in that respect and Dr. Banner reluctantly accepted Kurt's role as well.

It wasn't smooth sailing from there but it was still fun. Kurt decided that If he was going to be designing new costumes, he should he around the person he's designing for. To get a better feel of their personality, their likes and dislikes, as well as what they do in battle to accommodate to their uniform.

Tony suggested going to see Thor next, with a bit of a wink, which Kurt hated him for. He hated it even more when Kurt felt himself blush and Tony laughed behind his back. 'How did he even find out?', Kurt wondered to himself. Probably listened in on his phone and skype calls to Blaine and the others when he wasn't looking.

Fortunately, Tony wasn't so cruel to have actually told Thor of Kurt's celebrity crush on him. Thor just patted his back in animosity, making Kurt wince but shook it off with a strained grin.

Thor mostly hung out in the training, surprise, surprise. So Kurt was forced to sit in a chair near the exercise equipment as he watched the Norse God lift weights, box with the other teammates and sometimes even come over to Kurt and tell him stories of his kingdom because he felt bad that Kurt was left all to his lonesome.

He really couldn't complain though, because Thor liked to do all of these things shirtless. Oh, what a rough life Kurt Hummel led. Really…

In all seriousness, as Thor was telling him about the time he went into battle with some sort of alien life form whose name Kurt couldn't pronounce, Kurt sketched into his notepad, taking in Thor's form and making guesstimate measurements. Thor being shirtless was actually a good thing, in regards to his work.

It was easier to get an image of what Thor might look in something Kurt designed; what kind of fabrics and metals would be able to withstand Thor's more rough fighting style. They may not know it, but the way they move affected their clothing. For example, Dr. Banner required something more flexible and sturdy, obviously so they wouldn't rip and so he could move around without feeling restricted.

Restriction means frustration and when the Hulk gets frustrated, everyone becomes a target of his irritation. Thor, however, while restriction wasn't anything any of the team members wanted, wasn't the biggest priority for his suit.

Thor's costume was made from Asguard, he had said so himself, but he can't come back and forth every time he ripped something or broke something. Tony had said it would just be easier to have back up costumes for his convenience.

Though, Kurt thought that Thor was more amused by Kurt than anything else, really. Actually, Thor was pretty much amused by everything. He was still learning about Earth and all of Earth's technology and strange traditions and rituals. He was also a big show off.

He kind of reminded Kurt of those jocks back at McKinley who would bench press huge amounts of weight to intimidate and impress their friends or any girls that were around. Or wrestle around the mat for the same reason.

But unlike those guys, Thor did it just for the fun of it. For example now, he was juggling some weights around, saying that he and his friends back home would do this and the winner who juggled the most weight would win the most mead. He grinned sheepishly, saying that one of warrior friends, Sif, usually won those when tested beyond boundaries.

"So, Kurt of Ohio, how comes the dressings of battle?" Thor asked, putting down the weights carefully, the way Tony told him over and over.

Kurt blushed slightly, looking down at his notepad. There was some ideas for armor and color schemes for the cloth. But mostly, it was Thor's naked torso plastered all over the page. Kurt swallowed dryly and grinned, "Oh it's coming along nicely. Just a few more adjustments and I'll definitely have something for Tony to start working on." He closed his notepad and looked around. "Speaking of which, where is Tony? And the others, I thought Mr. Barton and Ms. Romanov were helping you train."

The blond took a long drink for his water bottle before answering and Kurt couldn't help follow the water droplet that fell on his chest. So much so, he almost didn't hear Thor say, "The mighty warriors of arrow and dagger have gone to to refresh themselves and get ready for tonight's meal. Perhaps we should join them, there is nothing left for us here until the morrow."

One of the reasons Kurt loved (admired! Just admired) Thor the most was because of that exotic accent.

"Do you feel ill, young cloth maker?" Thor asked.

"Huh? No, I'm fine. Perfectly well, in fact. Why do you ask?"

"Your face seems quite pink and your eyes glazed like that of the dead," the young God replied, getting a closer look.

Kurt froze, feeling his warm face grow warmer and said in a small voice, "No, nothing, it doesn't matter. You said something about dinner?"

Thor, easily distracted, grinned and nodded, "Yes, let us wash up for our glorious meal." The tall blond man started walking out of the room and Kurt did his best to cool off as well as berate himself for acting so foolish, when he saw something out of the corner of his eye.

He saw Mjolnir on the ground and walked over to it, "Hey wait, Thor. You forgot your—"

He tried to pick it up, only to fall back on his butt. Kurt blinked in confusion and slight pain, "…Ow."

Thor looked back and laughed joyously, "Oh do not bother, young cloth maker. No mere mortal can carry the great hammer Mjolnir. Not to be rude to Midguardians but only those worthy may hold it in their hands."

Kurt frowned at that and stood up. He never really backed off from a challenge, just ask Rachel. He tried to remember what Finn and Sam said about lifting weights, it's all about your stance and your legs, never lift with your back. He took hold of the handle and pulled but it would not budge.

Thor watched with amusement, deciding to let Kurt try it out for himself, full of confidence that he will not pick it up.

"Young cloth maker, you are quite the stubborn one, yes? It's an admirable trait, one that I admit to have, but please, do be careful and do not hurt yourself." Kurt didn't know why but that made him even more determined to prove him wrong.

He was surprising himself actually. Kurt was competitive yes, but he knew his weaknesses when it came to physical strength. Or at least he thought he knew. If he really thought about It, Kurt never actually tried to lift anything bigger than 10 pounds, during that one disastrous attempt at weight lifting Finn and Sam tried to make him do. However right now, he wasn't sure, but he felt like he needed to prove himself and Thor that he wasn't as weak as people thought he was.

Perhaps he should have gone for the lighter weight. The 500 pound barbell was probably lighter than this. Grunting, he used his entire body to try and lift just the handle of the Mjolnir to no avail. He heard the doors open and someone calling out, "Hey you two, dinner's almost ready. What is Hummel doing, Thor?"

It was Natasha and if Kurt looked, Tony and Steve were right behind her. Thor's boomed in laughter, "Sir Hummel wanted to try and carry the Mjolnir." Tony sighed, "Aww, Thor buddy, that ain't fair. Leave the kid alone. Kurt, come on, let it go. No one but Thor can pick up his hammer. Not even Hulk. " But Kurt ignored him, grunting and looking red in the face as he tried his hardest to pick the hammer off the floor.

Thor laughed again, "Oh, Man of Iron, let him have his fun. He's a young lad, wanting to prove himself, seeing as he is surrounded by Midguardian Gods. It is no wonder he feels compelled to try to carry the great Mjolnir." Tony rolled his eyes, "'Gods among men.' Very poetic, but if you want to describe us more accurately, it would be more like, 'Hell is empty and the devils are here.'" Steve smiled, "Shakespeare. I didn't think you would know much about the Bard, Tony."

Tony grinned, "The man wrote stories of violent deaths, self sacrifice, the evils of war and complete betrayal. And still found time to write romantic sonnets. The guy was a total boss." Thor's eyebrows burrowed, "He sounds like a man of great wisdom and a wonderful story teller. I must have him for our next great feast at Asguard!"

While Tony and Steve tried to carefully explain to Thor that William Shakespeare has long have passed into the great beyond, only Natasha noticed Kurt's struggle starting to pay off.

"Uh…guys. Guys…Avengers!"

The three men stopped squabbling to say, "What?" but all she did was point over to Kurt and their jaws dropped.

Kurt, holding onto the handle with both hands, was actually lifting it off the floor. Just a couple of centimeters up, but clearly up.

"That…that is not possible," Thor whispered in awe. Natasha and Steve seemed to have the same sentiments, as they too watched with shocked expressions, except for Tony. Because Tony was pretty much grinning from ear to ear.

With one last grunt, Kurt let the handle go and there was an extremely loud thud and the young man fell backwards to catch his breath. "Alright!" he gasps, "I give up! You win, you giant tool that's obviously over compensating for something. Ugh, I feel all sweaty. I'm never doing this again."

Before any of the adults can say anything, Tony jogs up to Kurt and holds out a hand, "Okay, macho man, up and at 'em. Go and get yourself washed up for dinner, okay?" Kurt nods and let's himself be pulled back on his feet.

He smiles sheepishly up at Thor, who hasn't stopped gaping at what he had just witnessed, "I'm sorry about that, sir. I got a little carried away with the competitiveness. Wont happen again." He left the room, longing for a shower and then some dinner, leaving behind a bunch of very astonished but very confused super heroes.

Natasha, as always, is the first to break the silence, stomping her way up to Tony's face and sharply asking, "What the hell was that?"

The rich inventor feigned innocence, "What?"

Steve was next, "Don't play games, Stark. He lifted up Mjolnir! No one can lift Mjolnir!"

"Tis true!" Thor replied, after coming out of his trance like state, "Only those worthy can carry the mighty weapon of Asgaurd!"

The three confused heroes closed in on Tony who was slowly being backed up against the wall.

"What? Come on, you guys, all he did was lift it up an alien/God-like weapon off the ground by like, what? Two centimeters? Less maybe? It could happen to anyone, really. In fact, I think the last time I tried to lift it, I felt it shift in my hand. Thor, buddy, pal, you should talk to Guy in the Sky about that, make sure there's no voodoo spell done to it the next time you're home. Just a thought, oh hey look, it's Tim Gunn, he needs me cause you know, I'm sort of like it's parent and like any child, they need a parent present to tend to it's needs and maintenance, so if you'll excuse me."

He carefully slipped out from their grasp and headed out the door at top speed. The robot nowhere to be seen. Natasha groaned in frustration, making the two male left in the room take a step back. "I hate being lied to," was all she said. Steve was practically scowling as well, "Yes, I don't like it either…I'm going to get to the bottom of it. Why is Tony so secretive with this boy? Who is he exactly? Perhaps he's one of those students from Professor Xavier's school?"

Natasha shrugged, "I don't think so. We would have been informed by S.H.I.E.L.D if that were the case. This whole thing smells like a cover up though."

"I already went and asked them if they knew about him but they all said they had no idea or that it was information they were able to discuss…Widow, what I'm about to ask you does not leave this room—"

"Hack into S.H.I.E.L.D files and find out what they have on the Hummel kid? Already ahead of you. We'll find out soon enough, boss."

Steve smiled, though the edges had a pinch of worry in them, "Let's just hope it's all good news."


	6. The Hawk Can Not Only Caw But Sing

**A/N:** Hi…everyone…I'm back!

Please don't kill me!

So, here's the next chapter with Kurt and the Avengers! This time featuring Clint! Little known fact, he's my baby. I mean, I love Captain America and Iron Man, but Hawkeye just has my heart in his claw, it's ridiculous. So it's a little longer because I love Clint and Kurt's dynamic, it was fun to write. Next bit, a little intervention with Steve. Ooooh.

* * *

One of the things Tony had told him when he first arrived at the Tower was that everyone took turns cooking.

That was a complete and total lie and Kurt really shouldn't have been so surprised.

What Tony actually meant was, every week, someone went out and bought take out for the rest of the team and it was put on their tab.

Not that Kurt was that self conscious of his weight, his metabolism was graciously fast (too fast if he stopped to think about it, which he didn't because that would be going into some deep genetic epiphanies) but the first week he was there, it had been Tony's turn to cook. And by cook, it meant cheeseburgers and pizza and something called schwarma.

Kurt didn't mind fast food every now and again and he will admit that New York fast food was so much better than the junk back home. But if he saw one more French fry for breakfast, he was going to scream.

"That's it!" Kurt proclaimed, slamming the spoon down on the marble island. Thankfully, someone had stocked Tony's pantry with cereal or else this would have been a lot uglier.

But he would not stand to watch Thor eat carton after carton of left over chow mein or Natasha drink day old soda a moment longer. He stood and marched over to the refrigerator and promptly winced.

There was a carton of milk (most likely expired), coffee grounds (who puts coffee grounds in the fridge?) and what looked to be the decomposition of some sort of fruit. Or it could have been fish, he really wasn't sure.

"Jarvis, who buys the groceries around here?" he asked, not looking away at the scarcity that the refrigerator.

"Well sir, usually, Ms. Potts would take care of the food and then a chef that Mr. Stark hires would make the meals. As of late, she has been busy taking over as CEO of Stark Industries and Mr. Stark has long since fired our last chef for being incompetent. That was four months ago. On both counts," the computer replied. If Kurt listened closely, he could swear there was some sort of amusement in the AI's voice, but he disregarded it.

He slammed the door with irritation and went upstairs to get changed. He was now a man on a mission.

After getting dressed, he marched down to the lab and ordered Jarvis to open the door.

The music was set to 'disturbing the peace' loud, so Kurt had to shout at Tony, who was busy working on some sort of new weapon for the Iron Man suit. After the second shout, Kurt wasn't about to hurt his throat just for the sake of getting this man's attention, so he told Jarvis to turn down the music.

The sudden silence was so abrupt, it even made Tony jump.

"Whoa, who turned down my Ozzy?" he asked, looking up at the ceiling. Kurt crossed his arms and cleared his throat, hopefully looking menacing.

Jumping again at the cough, Tony looked around and heaved in relief, "Oh, it's you. Hey, how'd you get Jarvis to listen to you? He's only supposed to listen to me."

"Easy, he likes me more because I don't him insult every minute of the day."

"It's true, sir."

Tony rolled his eyes, "I knew I shouldn't have installed that new program. Just makes you bitchier than usual."

Kurt just waved his hands around to get Tony's attention, "Look, this isn't the point. Tony. I want to go shopping."

The man stopped and stared for a moment, eyes wide, "I'm not giving you a raise, at least not yet. If you want money, we can discuss—"

Kurt just made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat, "No, not clothes shopping, I can do that on my own time. I meant I want to go grocery shopping."

Tony 'ohh'd and turned back to the work table as he spoke, "Why would you want to do that? We have plenty of food."

"No, we don't. That's the problem. All we've eaten this week has been nothing but greasy, artery clogging, junk food!"

"American food! The food of our forefathers." Tony proclaimed proudly, he turned back and grinned at Kurt's annoyed grimace. He sighed and turned back to face him, "If you want me to send you to a restaurant, we can do that, it's fine."

"No, it's not fine, Tony. It isn't just about me; it's about the team. I know Thor and Steve and probably Bruce will be all right eating the junk but the rest of you are still human. Regardless of how your metabolisms and workouts are, if you don't have the proper nutrition, all that fat is going to kick your asses down the line. You'll get scurvy before the end of the year! And besides, when was the last time you even had a home cooked meal?"

Tony just watched him with what looked like fondness that was covered up in a mask of amusement. "You actually do care about this, don't you? Wow, I'm flattered."

Kurt refused to blush, just stood his ground, arms crossed and staring him down. Tony bit his tongue from laughing at how adorable he looked. Heaving deeply, in a mocking fashion, he said, "Alright, alright. You can go grocery shopping. There's a credit card in your wallet that I totally did not go through by the way, by Stark Industries. Use that to buy whatever you need."

The teen wondered if he should pursue that last statement of privacy breaching, but he stopped himself. He won this battle today, which was enough to make him wait another to talk about personal boundaries.

Smiling in triumph, he was about to walk out when Tony called out, "Hold on, how exactly are you getting to the store?"

Kurt turned, looking slightly confused. "Walking? I mean, I checked Google, the nearest grocery store isn't that far from here, I can just—"

But Tony was already shaking his head, "Nuh uh, absolutely not, you're not walking to the nearest grocery store in New York City. Take someone with you. And my car."

Kurt gaped, "I do not need a chaperone, I'm old enough to walk on my own."

The older man just kept shaking his head, "Kurt, this doesn't have to do with your independence. Lord knows how hard I try to keep my own away from SHIELD and Fury. Ha, that sounded like a really bad rock group. Anyway, no, if people see you walk out of this place, go to a grocery store and walk back, it will be suspicious. I don't want you to be targeted. You're strong, Kurt but not strong enough for anyone who wants to hurt the Avengers. Have some self preservation, please."

Kurt bit his lip because, damn, he actually almost forgot that he worked for a group of super heroes. They're lives were always filled with danger and violence and of course they had enemies.

"Okay, fine. I'll take the chaperone," he relented. Tony grinned, "Great! Jarvis, who's around to take the kiddo to the candy store?"

Kurt didn't feel bad at all for kicking Tony's stool. Not one bit.

"Ms. Romanov is not here at the present moment sir, she has gone to SHIELD head quarters at the request of Mr. Fury. Captain Rogers is out for his daily run, Mr. Banner is down in his lab, Mr. Barton is in his room and Mr. Odinsson is currently in the living room, yelling at the television screen. He's watching the MMA fights."

Tony hissed in concern, "Uh oh…well, he wasn't going to take you, there's no way I'd let that happen, not after last time."

Kurt blinked, "What happened last time?"

"Asked him to go buy beer at the liquor store, forgot he didn't have any ID and he scared the crap out of the clerk when Thor started to get offended and demanded a drinking contest. Let's just say it didn't end well and it took a lot of money to keep the press out of that little event. Anyway, Thor is out. Steve and Natasha, out. Banner…if he's in his lab, that means he hasn't been sleeping. No sleep, plus early morning around New Yorkers in public, equals huge lawsuits that really aren't necessary. And I can't go," he said, his eyebrows furrowed.

The younger man was about to ask why, when he realized, duh, it was Tony Stark. They'd get mobbed the second they stepped onto the street.

"There's no way I'm asking SHIELD to get one of their agents to take you. Though, it is tempting, just to see Fury's little vein pop out of his forehead," the man continued, chuckling to himself. "Welp, I guess that leaves Clint. Jarvis, what's Clint doing right now?"

"It would appear that he is sleeping, sir."

Tony got that maniacal grin on his face that made Kurt shudder in dread. Mostly for Hawkeye's sake.

"Jarvis, proceed with the morning zoo please," Tony said in a far too chipper voice, throwing a rag up and down, smiling.

Kurt just stood there silently, wondering what exactly was Tony planning, when there was a sudden shout from upstairs, "STAAAAARK!"

Tony just grins, even wider than before and tells Jarvis to open the glass door, that they would be expecting some company very soon.

He was right. Not a minute later, Hawkeye was stomping his way down to lab, bow and arrow in hand.

Gasping, Kurt moved away from Tony, eying the weapon warily.

Clint didn't even notice Kurt was there, just raised his bow and aimed it at the grinning scientist.

"What the f—"

"Watch yourself, Barton, there are children in the room."

Startled by the strange interruption, Clint glances over to Kurt who tries to hide behind the workbench, though he glares at Tony, "I am not a child, Stark."

The archer lowers his bow and for a moment, looks sheepish and even a little ashamed, most likely assuming that he frightened Kurt. It wasn't too far from the truth. Kurt really does forget that he lives with not just heroes but former assassins, warriors and soldiers. It's a little staggering when the harsh reality of their 'jobs' hits him sharply in the face.

However, he knew that Clint wouldn't actually hurt anyone unless they truly deserved it. So Kurt wondered, "What did Tony do?"

Said man began to laugh, while Clint narrowed his eyes at the genius, "He only woke me up in the most annoyingly way possible. You know I hate that song!"

"Just be glad it was that and not Call Me Maybe," Tony replied, still smiling.

"Ugh, it's going to be stuck in my head forever, thanks to you. What do you want that you had to blow my ear drums off with your awful taste in music?" Clint asked, finally relaxing.

"Oh, right, right, I did do that for a reason. Not that I wouldn't have done it anyway, but at least this way my intentions are pure."

Both Clint and Kurt snorted. Kurt covered his mouth and feigned a cough and Hawkeye glanced over to him with a smirk of camaraderie. "Get on with it."

"I need you to take our young pseudo chef here to the market or store, or wherever it is that sells food. Fresh, I presume?" he asked, directing his question to Kurt, who rolled his eyes but nodded anyway.

Clint protested, "Me? What about—"

"No, no, no, no and," Tony pointed to himself, "Definitely no. Which leaves you. Come on, Barton, think of it as an undercover mission. Taking your nephew out to get some groceries. Just make sure those sharks out there don't rip him to shreds, you know?"

Kurt glowered at him but didn't object, just crossed his arms, walking from behind the workbench. "Not that _I _need a sitter, but if you wouldn't mind…I would like someone to show me around. I wouldn't want to be conned by some street vendor."

Clint sighed, more out of show than actually being annoyed by the given task. "Yeah, yeah, alright, I'll take you."

Kurt smiled and started to walk out but was stopped when Tony called out to him, "Hey, hey, where are you going?"

Kurt rolled his eyes for being stopped, yet again, "To the store, Tony. We went over this."

"None of that sass, Chef Boyaredimples. I'm just asking how exactly are you getting there?" Kurt raised a brow, "Uhh…subway, I'm assuming?"

Tony shook his head, "Don't assume, it makes an ass out of, yada yada, you get the idea. No way are you getting through public transportation. No, you're taking one of my cars."

Kurt would have protested, but he saw the collection of cars Tony had in his garage. He couldn't help it if his eyes lighted. The scientist chuckled, "You already have a car in mind, don't you?"

He blushed slightly, "The dark blue Cadillac…I worked on one way back when with my dad…If I didn't already have my baby, I would have bought it off the owner."

"Ahh, the '53 Eldorado. You have good tastes. Alright, you can take it out for a spin, Keys are in the glove compartment. Have fun." Tony grinned at the both of them before returning to whatever it was he was doing on the Iron Man suit.

Kurt and Clint glanced at each other and shrugged, taking direction from Jarvis down to the garage. Kurt headed for the drivers side but Clint stopped him, "Whoa, whoa, where do you think you're going, buddy?"

The teen groaned in exasperation, "Why does everyone keep asking me that?!" Clint brushed that off and said, "You're not driving, kid."

"How old do people think I am? I'm 19 and I have a license. Besides, I said I wanted to drive this car, so I'm driving."

Clint dived into the car and got the keys from the glove compartment, grinning as he kept them away from Kurt. "I'm older, wiser, and I've been dying to drive one of Stark's way too expensive cars. I'm driving."

"I'm younger, smarter, with a unique perspective on life and good reflexes and I want to drive," Kurt replied, taking a swipe for the keys. Clint just laughed, "Better reflexes? Really? You forget who you're talking to, kid. Alright fine, let's put it to the test."

Clint backed away and held out his arms, keys in hand. "If you can take the keys out of my hand, then I'll let you drive. I'll even give you three tries."

Glaring, but not objecting, Kurt straightened up and looked at the hand with concentration.

He took a swipe but Clint was too fast and pulled away before Kurt could even graze him. Laughing, Clint said, "Strike one." Kurt growled and took a deep breath, trying again. And again, he failed. Clint couldn't keep the glee off his face, "That's strike two. You sure you want to keep going?"

Kurt was not amused and sighed, about to just let the whole thing drop and let Clint drive when his eyes widened and smiled, "Hi, Ms. Romanov."

Distracted at once, Clint turned his head and called out, "Natash—" but there was no one there. He felt his hand being slapped and when he turned back, the keys were in the air and Kurt caught them before Clint could. "I win," Kurt gloated, heading back for the driver side of the car. The older man gaped at his empty hand; looking so shocked he almost didn't hear Kurt turn the engine on. "Whoa, hey wait up!"

The market was very…well clean wouldn't be the word Kurt would have used but that was just because it was kind of packed with people. He was surprised they could move around as freely as he could.

"Alright, I'm going to send you a list of things I need for tonight's dinner as well as the groceries we need in general. I am not letting you people get sick from malnutrition on my watch," Kurt ordered as he pulled his phone out to text Clint the list. The older man grinned, "Yes sir. And here we thought Steve was the mom of the family."

"I am not your mother, I am your glamorized nanny and I'm not even getting paid for it, so no back talk," Kurt replied, putting tomatoes into his cart. Clint just snorted, walking down the aisle, keeping an eye out for the things on Kurt's list.

"So. Singing huh? Heard you want to go into a fancy school for future LuPones or I guess in your case, future Fiesteins," Clint said, looking at a box of pasta for the expiration date. Kurt blinked in surprise, "Well first of all, I am definitely a future LuPone, no offense to Harvey but I could never seriously dress in drag and pull it off. And second, I'm shocked and pleased that you even know those names in the first place."

Clint looked back with a smirk, "Living in New York, running around and listening to people's conversations, you tend to remember some things. Plus, I've heard of Harvey Fiesteins while I was in the circus. Big class act, he was."

Clint and Kurt continued to walk down the aisle when Kurt asked, "Have any favorites? From Fiesteins, I mean?" The older man shrugged, "He's a great actor, I'll give him that but his voice—"

Kurt nodded in sympathy, "Yeah…got it. But Broadway in general."  
Clint shrugged, "No, I'm not really into the whole musical genre. I can appreciate it, but my style is more rock or R&B. Something with soul. Ever heard of Neil Young?"

Kurt bit his lip, "Maybe? He sounds familiar."

"Well there's this one song that some old army buddies of mine would sing on our down time. Oh man, how did it go?"

He picked through some produce while he muttered under his breath before he had an 'aha' moment and started to sing, his voice surprisingly a beautiful baritone, "_Bruce Berry was a working man, he used to load that Econoline van. A sparkle was in his eye. But his life was in his hands. Tonight's the night. Tonight's the night. Oh yes. Tonight's the night. Tonight's the night!"_

The teenager gave him a round of applause, as well as some scattered claps from the people in the aisle, making Clint flush just a little before grinning rather proudly. "I had no idea you could sing," Kurt said with awe, "That was great!" Clint chuckled rather sheepishly, ducking his head a little, "Hey, it's no Neil but the army buddies never complained. But you, your voice will definitely get you places, kid."

Kurt smiled, looking down at his feet, "I'm not saying that I'm talentless…but after what happened at my audition…I just don't know anymore. I guess I'm just not what they're looking for. Maybe not enough soul."

"Hey, you were able to entertain and put to sleep the Hulk. That takes a lot of soul. If those people at that fancy shmancy school knew that, they would take you in a heartbeat," he said confidently, making Kurt smile bigger.

The music that had been playing in the store suddenly changed into something very familiar and it made Clint light up in recognition. "Let's test that soul theory," he said, grinning at Kurt. The teen just looked at him with confusion, "What are you talking about?"

However, Clint just shook his head and started singing without anymore preamble, louder this time, "_Very superstitious, writings on the wall! Very superstitious, ladders bout' to fall!_" Kurt looked around in embarrassment, making shushing sounds at him, "Mr. Barton, hush, we're in a public place!" Though, he was kind of berating himself about it, because really? Pot, meet kettle. Singing in public was practically his M.O.

Clint just laughed, "This is New York, Kurt. Come on, I know you know this song. Sing it with me. _Seven years of bad luck! The good things in your past._"

The archer threw a lemon at Kurt, which he was able to catch gracefully while mockingly glaring at the older man. But at Clint's enthusiasm, Kurt couldn't help but laugh softly and begin to harmonize with him, "_When you believe in things that you don't understand,_  
_then you suffer! Superstition ain't the way."_

Clint whooped and started throwing more products at Kurt whom was able to catch all of them without breaking the song.

They had drawn in a small crowd, most of them smiling and clapping along, some even had their phones out thinking they found a new viral video in the making.

"_Very superstitious! Nothin' more to say. Very superstitious, the devil's on his way. Thirteen month old baby, broke the lookin' glass! Seven years of bad luck, good things in your past!_" Clint sang, soulfully to a degree that made Kurt a little jealous though he was able to keep up just as well as him, "_When you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer! Superstition ain't the way!_"

The small crowd broke out into a big applause, laughing and cheering the duo on, making Kurt blush to his roots. Clint liked the attention and bowed to their sudden groupie, really egging them on until Kurt pushed him towards the register.

"Come on, you're making a scene," Kurt said, looking at those with camera phones suspiciously. If Kurt was going to have his big singing break in New York, it will not be because he sang a Stevie Wonder song at Trader Joe's.

As they went, customers gave them smiles and thumbs up. One older gentleman and his daughter even came up to them to tell them they thought they sounded really great and if they were a father and son duo? Kurt bit his lip to keep from laughing while Clint fumed silently, mumbling to himself that he did not look old enough to be a father, much less Kurt's father. The young girl added, "Those were great catches by the way. Are you in the circus?"

Kurt blinked in confusion then remembered that while they were singing, Clint just kept throwing stuff at him. He was so caught up with the song, he hadn't even noticed that he was catching them all and putting them safely into his cart.

"Uhh, just lucky, I guess," he said and waved them good bye. Clint was still pouting at being mistaken for Kurt's dad when he reached him at the till.

"I am not old enough to be a dad. Why couldn't they assume I was the older, handsome sugar daddy or something?" he muttered, loud enough for Kurt to hear. Kurt bit his lip again to keep from laughing, "No offense, but your clothes don't exactly scream rich, gay Hugh Hefner."

Clint scoffed, stuffing his hands into his jean pockets, "I am insulted, Hummel. And after we just sang that awesome duet together. I don't think I can ever look at you again."

"I'm making lasagna tonight."

"You are forgiven, let's go."

* * *

After one more stop (Clint insisted on buying doughnuts and coffee for the others and Kurt just sighed, feeling like an irritated mother and compromised with him to at least get bagels instead) they made it home in time to stop Bruce from ordering Thai food.

"I will make lunch. Real lunch, so put down the phone and step away from the take away menus," Kurt ordered, wielding a cucumber like a weapon.

He didn't have a lot of time, so he went old school and made sandwiches with the bagels Hawkeye had bought.

"Tony, I am not going to give you special treatment. If you want lunch, you come up and eat it here!" he yelled into the intercom that led down to Tony's garage/lab. Bruce gave him a small standing ovation, which just made Kurt snort, "Like he'll listen to me anyway."

"Sometimes Tony needs an ass kicking for him to take anyone seriously. I know from personal experience," Natasha said, already digging into her lunch.

"True, I still have the bruises to prove it," Tony said, much to Kurt's surprise. "Hello mother, did you have a nice day out?"

"Don't make you kick you again," Natasha answered for Kurt. Clint brought up his foot and promptly kicked the billionaire's butt hard enough to make him stumble forward, "Whoops, already did it."

"Hey! Is that really any way to treat your landlord? I let you stay here for free!"

"You own the building, Tony," Bruce reminded him, not looking up from his lunch. "Yeah, not to mention you practically begged us to come live here," Clint added, grinning ear to ear. Tony narrowed his eyes, "You know, I was going to keep this to myself, but I have a short fuse and this is pretty fucking hilarious. Jarvis! Be a doll and roll the video please?"

"Certainly sir," the AI responded, pulling up youtube on the giant flat screen. Kurt watched in horror as he saw himself and Clint singing on the monitor. "Wh-where did you? How—"

Tony smirked, "I have Jarvis programmed to specifically pick up photos or videos of you all using facial recognition. Mostly to stop any reputation-destroying evidence from becoming huge news and mostly at the insistence a certain pirate/spy agent. To be honest, I thought it was a bad idea at first, kind of bordering on creepy but then this came up on my news feed and I'm finding it to be the most genius programming I have ever invented."

Just as the Kurt on the monitor caught a pack of cheese and a carton of milk, Thor and Steve walk into the room. "What's going on, guys?" he asked and Thor immediately zoned on to the screen. "Why is the Cloth Maker and Eyes of a Hawk on the television?" he asked, "Are those people with the pretentious looks making fun of them?" He was talking about news anchors, Kurt thought idly.

"Ugh, shut it off, Stark. I know you're completely jealous of my singing chops, but this is just sad," Clint said, ignoring the way his ears were turning maroon. Natasha smirked up at him, "I almost forgot how good your voice was. How come you never sing for us anymore?" Clint froze for a moment then stuffed his face wit his bagel-sandwich to avoid the question.

Getting over his own mortification, Kurt took a deep breath and glared at Tony, "I'm sorry but how is any of this news worthy?"

Tony shrugged, "It isn't, the quality is shoddy and the audio is shaky. Just looks like two dudes singing funky music at a grocery store. I'm guess it'll get a couple of hundred views and then fall into the pit of forgotten youtube clips of yore. But we all know that it's you two and that's what makes it so funny."

Steve didn't look quite as amused as the others, but before he could reprimand Tony for his teasing, something caught his eye on the screen. "Wait…Kurt, are you catching all of those objects Barton is throwing at your head?"

Kurt stopped and froze in place like Clint had earlier. He wished he had a sandwich to stuff his mouth to avoid the question too. Instead, he cleared his throat and nodded, "Yeah. I mean, yes, sir. I think so. I wasn't really paying attention. Must have been my lucky day, I guess. But it's just catching, it's nothing marvelous or outstanding."

Interest peaked, Tony took a closer look and raised a brow, "You just caught a cantaloupe."

Kurt blinked, "We bought cantaloupe?" The archer nodded and mumbled through his food, "Yeah, I wanted a smoothie. I also got lemons and strawberry."

The youngest man in the room scratched his chin, humming thoughtfully, "I didn't even know you could make a smoothie out of cantaloupe and strawberries."

Clint jumped up in excitement, throwing an arm around him, "Hummel, I shall teach you the ways of my ancestors and how to make the greatest smoothie you will ever taste…after the lasagna."

Kurt rolled his eyes, he was going to get a head ache pretty soon, he swore it, and walked back towards the kitchen, "Yes, yes, I'll get started on the lasagna. But I'm also making a salad so you better eat that too."

Natasha leaned closer to Bruce and whispered, "He really took this role of baby sitter literally, didn't he?"

The young scientist shrugged, smiling around his drink, "It's not so bad. I miss home cooked meals."

Apparently Tony's predication came true and the video has now been forgotten and ignored, except by Thor, Steve and Tony. Thor enjoyed the singing and said that he would very much like to ear the Eye of a Hawk and the Cloth Maker to come to one of his many feasts to provide the entertainment. Steve and Tony watched with a little more…clinical view. The blonde man stepped closer to the other and whispered, "Tony, I have a feeling that you are not telling everything about Mr. Hummel. Is there anything I should know?"

Tony barely blocked the shiver from how close Steve's lips were from his ear and quickly gave him a wide smile, "Absolutely not, Cap'n. I promise, if there was anything dangerous to tell, I would." And that was the truth, there was nothing dangerous about Kurt, just underdeveloped powers. But Steve didn't need to know that.

Steve frowned but didn't push it, walking away to the dining table with Natasha and Bruce. He waited until Bruce was finished and left to go clean his plate that he gave Natasha a significant look. "Any news?"

"Not yet, Stark really buried those files deep. But I'll definitely have something soon," she muttered back, but then gave him a rather warm smile and patted his shoulder, "In the mean time, enjoy your lunch, Captain."


	7. Cap Went and Drafted the Band

A/N: OH MY GOD I'M BACK AND I AM SO SORRY! Seriously, you have no idea how sorry I am. I have absolutely no intention of abandoning this story but I'm going to be real with you. I had major writers block and then when I finally figured out how I wanted this story to go, my computer that had all my fanfiction work DIED. And then SHIT WENT TO HELL. Everything I touch dies, apparently. Though to be fair, my computer is eight years old and wasn't even top of the line when we first got it. Farewell, sweet prince, you was a good bitch. *sniff* BUT FEAR NOT READERS! I am back with more vigor and determination to finish this with dignity and grace. Thank you all for being so patient with me and for sticking to this story even though you had every right to tell me to fuck off. You guys have no idea how much it means to me (i'm kind of stealing Kurt's line but bear with me). Anyway, this time it's Steve's turn! I said it was an intermission but then it got kind of angsty. So it's not a filler, it's actual moving the plot (plot? we have a plot?! le gasp!) forward and hopefully into higher ground. I have no idea what i'm saying now, it's three in the morning and i'm tired. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the next installment of Kurt and the Avengers. Keep a look out for the next part and for sneaky Natasha *ooh* *ahh* Enjoy!

(see end for more notes)

Steve

After dinner, Kurt insisted on washing dishes after the group. Surprised, they let him be and headed over to the entertainment room to watch a movie as Kurt kicked them out so he could get to work.

He hummed to himself as he washed dishes, careful to get a hold of the plate as he buffed and scrubbed. He was so distracted that he didn't hear the footsteps behind him and was startled when a voice called out, "I think I've heard that song before." Kurt jumped and let the plate slip, making it clatter against the sink.

"Oh! Captain, you scared me," he said, a bit breathless. Steve looked guilty and quickly walked over to him, "I'm so sorry, Kurt, are you alright?" Kurt laughed out of embarrassment, "Yes, yes, nothing broken, thank God. Uh, what are you doing here? I don't have any problems cleaning up."

Steve sighed and gave a small smile, "Yes, I know, but I felt guilty. You cooked such a great dinner and then to leave you to the dishes as well, it didn't seem fair. I feel like we're taking advantage of you."

"No! I promise, you're not, I want to do them! I…" he hesitated, unsure whether to divulge the captain his reasoning, remembering who exactly he was talking to. He cleared his throat, "I, um…I like doing dishes. I find it soothing."

Steve wrinkled his nose a little, "Really? I always hated it. When I was younger—back then, I mean—I was the only one in the house during the day, so I was always left with dish duty. My hands turned into skinny prunes and I always managed to crack something by accident." Kurt bit his lip to keep from laughing but couldn't help letting a snicker out. Steve just grinned; he was glad to get a positive reaction out of the Kurt. He had been worried that Tony had said something to the young man to make him wary of Steve. He wanted to let him know that there was absolutely no reason to fear him.

"That's unfortunate. But you've never washed dishes at casa de Hummel. It was always an event to behold. My mom and I would—" He stopped again, feeling a pang in his chest just mentioning her. He looked back down at the soap filled water and swallowed thickly, "My mom and I sang together. We always did the chores together, but dishes were our specialty. She would say, 'the kitchen has great acoustics, the window is our audience and the suds were just special effects.' It was like our own little concert we would do every night."

Steve noticed Kurt's hesitation when talking about her and didn't push, "She sounds like a wonderful mother." Kurt let out a breath and smiled, "She really, really was. My dad took over for a while and then my step mom and step brother. Though I usually do it alone because my brother forgets we're doing chores and tries to start water fights. He is no longer allowed near the sink after dinner." Steve laughed at that and said, "Yeah, Bucky would do that to me too. "

They both grinned as they reminisced and Kurt picking the dish back up to finish the job.

He didn't want to break the companionable silence, but the weight on Steve's mind found that it would be best to let it go now in their moment of pleasantness, "I'm glad we had this talk, Kurt. And I would like to apologize to you as well. If I ever made you uncomfortable in any, I had no intention. I may be leader of this team but that in no way makes me the boss of you. Nor should you feel to be formal around me. I'm just a guy from Brooklyn, after all."

Kurt immediately tensed at the apology and felt dread and guilt building up in the pit of his stomach. Taking a deep breath, he said, "No, Captain, I promise you that you have done nothing wrong. You've all been so nice to me. This…never in a million years did I ever expect this to happen to me, for Tony to just waltz into my life and hand me the best job in the world on a silver platter. I just don't want the dream to end. I don't want to say the wrong thing or act the wrong way, just so that it would all disappear. I had something in my grasp once, something I thought for sure was mine and in a matter of seconds it was gone and I had no idea what I did to make it go away…I—I'm just being careful this time, that's all."

He kept his eyes lowered on his plate, the guilt in his stomach crawling up to his chest. It wasn't a lie, not really. But it sure felt like one to him. His breath hitched in panic when he felt a warm, solid hand land on his shoulder and then relaxed when it squeezed in comfort rather than in a threatening way.

"Kurt, I may not know much about you but despite everything that's been said, I trust Tony. I trust his judge of character and therefore I trust you. You don't have to walk on eggshells around me, you can be yourself. Other than being a super villain or in some way trying to hurt my team, I can't think of anything that would make me want to fire you. I'm so sorry that you feel like you have to be careful around me but you don't. You're a good kid with a good heart, that which I can tell for sure. I'm not going to take this away, I promise. "

The younger man began to tremble slightly, his hand tightening around the plate he was holding. It wasn't until he finally spoke in a soft whisper that he realized his lip was throbbing from biting too hard, "Are you sure? Are you sure you can't think of any reason, besides me wanting to create a doomsday device that would make you ask me to leave?"

The hand on his shoulder tightened as well, "No, son, I can't think of any reason."

Kurt clenched his jaw once, blinked rapidly to stop his unshed tears so he could look the Captain in the eye to say in a calm, even tone, "Not even if you found out I was a homosexual, sir?"

They stood in silence for one seemed like the longest minute in Kurt's life but he stood his ground and didn't look away. He needed to know, needed the knowledge of the Captain's opinion if Kurt even thought to stay in the tower for longer than the summer. His guilt was now heavy and if he took a chance to think about too long, he would probably throw up.

The hand on his shoulder hadn't moved away, hadn't moved at all in fact. Finally, Steve lowered his eyes to match Kurt's height and said, "I still can't think of anything."

Kurt sagged as relief washed over him. He wanted to cry again, just let go this time but he shuddered a breath instead and said, "R-really?"

Steve smiled, his eyes a little sad but also understanding, "I don't know much about this era, I'm learning something new every day. But one thing I've already learned in my own era was that love was love, no matter who the person was. No one had the right to judge which love was right and which was wrong. Bullies, no matter who they were persecuting, were just that; bullies. And you may not know this about me, but I hate bullies."

Kurt couldn't stop the few tears that slipped away from him and hid his eyes in his sleeve. Steve waited patiently and took a step back, letting the young man calm himself down. Swallowing thickly, Kurt looked up again with a water smile, "Thank you. You…you have no idea what that means to me."

That was an understatement but he would acknowledge that later.

"No, you don't have to thank me, Kurt. Anyone with decency in their heart should have the common sense to know that."

"For a forties man, you're a lot more modern than a lot of people born in this day and age. It's very refreshing, nonetheless," Kurt replied and gave him a bright grin.

They should talk about this a little more, talk about how this was the reason why Kurt was so scared to be around the Captain, how he was so nervous that if Steve found out, there would be a scramble for Steve to be reassigned to other living quarters until Kurt was gone. Kurt had had nightmares about it and spoken to Blaine every night after he made sure the others were all asleep. The guilt inside him had receded to only a single brick rather than the Great Wall of China that had inhabited his abdomen up until now. Now he felt like he can really move forward.

But not tonight.

"You said you knew the song I was singing earlier? It was around your time, wasn't it?" Kurt asked, moving over slightly, an unspoken invitation that Steve needed no help in deciphering.

Nodding, he immediately took up as the dryer, taking the wet plates from Kurt and placing them back into the cupboards, "Yes, it was widely popular in the 40's. Bucky and the others sang it all the time until we got sick of it. Hearing now, I don't seem to mind it as much."

"Do you remember the words?" he prodded, his lips curled up into a smirk. Steve laughed and sighed in mock defeat, "I'm pretty sure it's embedded into my brain now, one of those things that will never go away."

Kurt laughed along with him and started singing again, softly but loud enough for Steve to hear, "_He was a famous trumpet man from out Chicago way. He had a boogie style that one else could play, he was the top man of his craft, but then his number came up and he was gone with the draft_."

Slowly, hesitantly, Steve started to join in, trying to find the right tone to match Kurt's, but he smiled anyway, the words flowing out of him like he was back with his brothers in arms, "_But then the company jumped when he played reveille, he's the boogie woogie bugle boy of company B_!"

So busy laughing and singing in the kitchen, neither of them realized there was someone by the door, leaning against the wall and smiling in a mix of victory and fondness.

"Sir," Jarvis said, speaking through Tony's ear phone, "should we tell them that we have a dish washer they could use so that they do not have to clean those manually."

"Do that and I'll install a program to make you talk like Patrick Star." He was still smiling so he was joking. Mostly. "No, let them have their fun, it's good for the both of them. They'd probably ignore you anyway. Don't let them know I was here, alright? And if someone else tries to go into the kitchen, warn them."

Jarvis paused though Tony could hear a very soft sigh coming from the AI, "Yes, alright. Will that be all, sir?"

"_And the company jumps when he plays reveille, he's the boogie woogie boy of company B!"_

"Yeah, make a video of that and put it in my possible black mail folder on my private hard drive. It might come in handy someday."

ooh, tony, you bad boy. that definitely it isn't a black mail folder, that's a "steve is singing and probably smiling and getting wet and i want to burn that into my retinas" folder, don't lie *wink*

okay, before anyone says anything about steve's reaction to kurt, i would just like to say in my own defense, i took a leaf out of the comic book version of Captain America, Earth-616 where he had a best friend who was the first gay Marvel character. I'm not sure if they'll ever address that issue with the movies but until then, i'm characterizing this part of him from that version. and i totally believe that all captain america's in all universes, he's completely okay with the gay, canon, fanon and otherwise. that's just my two cents. thanks for reading and comments are always appreciated.

Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy- The Andrew Sisters

The Avengers and Glee do not belong to me but to their respective studios and companies.


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